Starting at Zero

I haven’t written anything bloggy lately because I haven’t had anything to write.  “Write about that!” God nudges me, so here we are.  At zero.

acdbde5e87922b281ae09e218da1dd2aIt’s a difficult, scary, beautiful place to be.  I deeply know this because I can look back at another February spent wrestling with heart-shattering agony. With silence.  With Nothing.  That year, a first-grade boy from our community died suddenly.  Overcome with grief, I spent many subsequent hours sitting in the corner of my den in a large, overstuffed chair – a chair equipped with a poofy pillow, a flannel quilt, a nearby window, and even a twin companion chair.  As I sat there that winter, sometimes I cried.  Sometimes I stared at the wall.  Sometimes I drank tea, or read a book, or called the beloved boy’s mother.  Sometimes I fell asleep.  Sometimes I talked to a pal sitting in the other chair.  All the times, I prayed.  And I learned.

As I slowly emerged from my deepest sorrow that spring, I realized that all the so-called “important” details of my mom-life (sports, housekeeping, etc.) had still been accomplished, but that I had added in some very powerful time every day to just BE.  In Psalm 46:10, the LORD commands us: “Be still and know that I am God!”

So it’s okay if you and I sit in front of Him – in a chair or a car or a chapel – and feel nothing, say nothing, have nothing.  In fact, I strongly suspect that He often prefers it.

May our Lent be holy.

Your Pickle,
Marian Bart
Parish Catechetical Leader